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Brother Murphy’s Laws

by George Goldtrap

We have all heard of Murphy’s law. Guess what—Murphy is a preacher and his laws seem to have followed him to church.


  1. The Law Of Study Time. Close the office door and begin study and lesson prep for Sunday and the phone will ring with an emergency.
  2.  The Law Of Sunday Dress. Begin your lesson before the church and you will remember that your wife told you not to wear that shirt with catsup stains.
  3. Vacation Time. The probability of being seen is directly proportional to the times you play golf on your vacation Sunday morning.
  4. Random Phone Calls. Dial a wrong number and you never get a busy signal. Instead you always get a negative Nelly who has been thinking about calling the minister.
  5. Bookstore Law. As soon as you select a book at the religious book store and get in the shortest line, the cashier will get an emergency phone call.
  6.  Sunday Traffic Flow. You are late for church. Change traffic lanes and the one you left will always move faster than the one you chose.
  7. Law Of Imersion Baptism. When you’ve lowered the convert completely into the water, you notice you are still wearing your watch.
  8. Law Of Close Encounters. The probability of taking your wife to dinner decreases dramatically when you are invited to dinner with the budget committee.
  9. Law Of the Results. Try to prove to someone that an ‘imagined’ text is not in the Bible, and you stumble on it.
  10. Law Of Skin To Clothing. The severity of the itch is directly proportional to time left in your sermon.